He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
