found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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