Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
