I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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