My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
