u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
