I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
