he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
