if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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