he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
