He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
