i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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