i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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