What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
