I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
