My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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