not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
