i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
