I just threw up on my dentist
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
