My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
