So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
