just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
