my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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