I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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