I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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