I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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