he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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