I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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