i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
