I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize