I hate your face
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
