I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
