windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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