Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
