At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
