quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
