I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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