You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
