I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
