Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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