is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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