You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
