That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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