How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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