you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
