i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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