Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
