Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
