Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
