You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
