Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
