We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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