She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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