Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
