i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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