Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
