Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
