just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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