Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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