Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
