3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
