In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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