Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
