I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
