You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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