There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
