Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
