the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
