and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
