he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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