A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know her cup size but not her name....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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