Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
