I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
"it" just moved
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
