I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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