Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
